A bunch of people in my office are sick. One of the sickest, my buddy K (a 50-something woman) was feeling down so I stopped by her cubicle and was goofing around trying to cheer her up.
As part of this I picked up 3 oranges from the bowl she had at her desk and was juggling them and telling a stupid joke. Anyway, I hear a man's voice behind me say "Interesting, can you juggle four?" - I turn and see our visiting uber-manager (I don't know his real title - I don't ever talk to people of his lofty level) and I honestly don't know what stupid thing happened, but I mis-threw one orange and it flew WAY left of my left hand. Like WAY left.
And it dropped RIGHT on his head - like the middle. Perfectly in the center - crappy sitcom style.
It was a bloody big orange.
Anyway, yeah, I'm saying I'm sorry, K is turning red from trying not to laugh - uberManager is holding a hand on top of his head (he was pretty cool about it), OMGEVERYBODY in the office starts gathering around us ('cos they don't have ANYTHING else to do, do they?)
Does that count as embarassing enough?
dumb dumb dumb moment of the century:
i ordered pizza about a half hour ago and was fervently waiting for it to show up. i receive a call from OfficeMax: "aubrey, did you order pizza?"
so i ordered pizza and had it sent to my WORK, not home. i was freaking out, and they said "no problem, it wasn't like they came in and said 'WHERE'S OUR MONEY!' because you paid with a credit card."
so as no one here has a car, i told them "HAPPY NEW YEAR FROM ME!" and am still sitting here, out 25 bucks and still hungry.
they said that they'd pay me back, but i feel AWFUL spending $25 of store money without prior permission.
i'm a dweeb.
LMFAO - and i also included a tip before hand, something i have NEVER done, so they didn't even have to worry about that.
i wish i could see their facial expressions, too, when papa john's showed up and said "here's the pizza you or-dered!" (said in Jhonen Vasquez voice from a zimmy episode)
edit: i just replaced the order, making extra sure to send it HERE, and papa john's called "hi. um....... did you just place an order?" i told them that yes, i was dumb, and yes, i still want it delivered HERE, not to officemax. good thing they question two seperate orders put in within in an hour for an extrra large hawaiian barbeque pizza, plus a free one topping - half mushroom, half olive, for the same credit card.
also, i couldn't recognize the voice on the phone from omx that called me, though it sounded yanceyish. i totally forgot that the new store manager, Kirk, is starting today. WAY TO MAKE A FIRST IMPRESSION! WOO!
I think this is my first post here, but I can't guarantee it. Anyway, moving on... :)
I work in a daycare center. We have to go to the kitchen to pick up our meal cart when it's time for meals. Yesterday morning, I went and got the breakfast cart and was walking down the hall to go back to my room. One of the Dads from a classroom down the hall was also walking down the hall at the same time after dropping his son off. I should add that I think this Dad is particularly cute and really awesome.
When I went to turn into my classroom, he walked by me and unexpectedly said hi to me. So I turned and looked over my shoulder while still walking to say hi back... and walked right into the door frame. Sadly, the ground didn't swallow me up... but he did have the decency to wait until he got outside to start laughing. ;)
Alright, so I finally realized that I *do* have some embarrassing stories to share.
Prior to a business trip to Florida, my boss was saying that we would have a Hummer as our rental car while we were there due to a free upgrade. Two of my coworkers were going to California for the same training and weren't even getting a rental car. I show up in Florida with my coworker, and my boss pulls up in a Chevy Malibu. As it turns out, they'd been saying that to pull a prank on one of my other coworkers the entire time, and I fell for it.
This wasn't so much as an embarrassing event for me, but more so for someone I was dating.
I was dating this guy who was okay. I wasn't sure if I was really into him or not, but he wasn't bad to hang out with. Well, one night we were making out and it just donned on me that I wasn't really even turned on. So that was it. I made my mind up right then and there, that I just didn't want to date this person.
So I cut things short and was picking up my stuff to go home, when I looked over and saw the most goopy nastiest booger falling out of the guys nose. That really clinched it for me. Not only was I not turned on, but you got a boogie. Now I'm not a shallow person. If I had really been into him, I would have just say "hey man, wipe your nose." But because I wasn't really that into him, it just kinda made matters worse.
I just ignored it and pretended to be distracted with my purse (giving him a chance to get rid of it). When I looked up at him, it was gone. So he found it. I didn't want to think too hard about where he wiped it before I looked up!
I do not typically venture into a bar, lounge, or pub without a good reason and a companion to companionize my experience, yet once in a fit of loneliness I actually made it out the door and into one of the just-above-dive bars in a town affectionately known as "The People's Republic". This particular bar was known for kooky live acts, loungey without being sentimental, kitschy, or just plain awful and desperation seemed to point me in this lucky bars direction. After carefully picking out my most "attractable-to-womankind" outfit and getting my butt out the door, to the place, and down the stairs I confidently ordered my cocktail - I forget which - I'm not a big drinker either. Taking my drink and perusing the few ladies who were seemingly "available" I walked to the perimeter of the bar, wanting to just sort of hang back and observe... or so I thought.
I soon hit the wall. Literally. A mirrored wall reflecting the general shapes of people in the smokey (one could smoke then) soon found my all my geekhood, and especially my face, smooshed into it. All I saw were "more people" so I figured - well, keep going - who knows what honey lays back there - maybe that one, unattached, able & ample bodied woman lay back there, untouched as of yet by the succesful. Not to be. Someone said to me, "um, its a WALL" and I backed off, prying myself off and leaving my dignity & drink, a clear indicator of my prowess and what kind of night anyone could expect if they so chose to approach. Lets just say the warning worked all too well and end this lesson here.
"Here endeth the lesson."
last night at work, a person came to my counter top to check out. i said "ma'am, i can help you over here on this side!" the person grabbed their things and looked up at me. "um, i mean SIR." i get another funny look, so i say "i mean, uh...."
the person comes around to the side i can check them out on, and i am blushing profusely and mutter "i just came back from a giant lunch, so i'm quite sleepy and blind." the person didn't say anything, so i kept ringing them up. i looked at them during the transaction... waitaminute. i think it IS a woman. but they carry themselves so masculinely. but they have nicely shaped breasts! but they're quite hairy.
i finish ringing them up and the person asks in a gravelly high pitched voice "how much?" okay, that's still not revealing. i take their money and wish them a nice evening, which is when i discovered that they spoke zero english other than 'how much'! i win!
at least, that's what i keep telling myself (that they didn't speak english and thusly couldn't have been offended by my slip.)
When I was about 13 or 14 I had gone to spend a few days at a friends house, on Sunday we went to church before going to lunch after which they would drop me off at home. I didn't bring any "church" clothes and my friend was too short for me to borrow anything of hers and not look like a total dork so I borrowed some of her mom's clothes, which weren't really my style but it wasn't horrible and I was trying my best to be grateful because hey it's only a couple hours and I get a free meal out of it. So off I fo in the white silk blouse with fine black pinstripes and frou-frou new tie bow thing topped off with mint green slacks.
The fine dining establishment we would attend after church was the Black Angus, your average run of the mill mass produced Ponderosa/Sizzler type eatery with the buffet and dessert bar.
We ordered, ate, and after we ate we got to hit he dessert do it yourself ice cream bar that I had been having fantasies over since we'd arrived because my parents had never taken me to place like this because we owned a restaurant (which incidently was where my friend's mom worked as a waitress and how we met) and we are/were food snobs. I leave our table, walk all the way to the other side of this restaurant, retrieve the glorious pride of my ice cream self made perfection and sit down.
We pay and leave. On the way out there were some whispers but nothing I could discern so I moved on.
We pulled up to my house in their boat of a station wagon with vinyl seats and I said to my friend's mom "I can go in and change real quick then run your clothes back out to you." She told me that was ok and I could keep them, "but I thought these were your good clothes and you said to be careful" "no, it's ok really." So I grab my stuff and get out of the car.
I notice when I got into my house and turned around to shut the door they were looking all over the seats for something so I just figured somone lost an earrinr or one of the younger siblings lost a toy, shrugged and went up to my room after a greeting and how was your weekend exchange between my parents.
I really hated the clothes I was wearing and couldn't wait to get out of them. So off comes the white shirt with narrowly psaced balcke pinstripes, then off comes the mint green slacks with the bright red crotch. I had gotten my period while we were out, walked back and forth in the restaurant severasl times (being seated, eating, ice cream bar, and leaving which was near the ice cream bar) and none of them said one word! My whole crotch and butt were red and none of them said anything! The thing they were looking for on tehir vinyl seats was my blood!
I don't think I have ever been so mortified and angry at the same time, in my whole life.